Often when feelings are churning inside of me, I turn to something creative to help me release them. Well, today I’ve been struggling with all that needs to be done with Jess’ work, and making a conscious effort at taking a break from that work, knowing I needed a break. But…
And as I sat at the table, I pulled on my training in art therapy. I worked a little call and response of dominant and non-dominant hand. For example, you write a question in your dominant hand, and ask that the little one inside of you to answer, writing that answer in your non-dominant hand. Sounds a little hokey, but can produce the most amazing results! But I didn’t get very far.
I knew I didn’t want to work with color, these feelings just were’t colourful. So, I flipped the paper over and just started writing down all the feelings I was experiencing over the past few days; heavy, dull, unproductive, frustrated, stuck, spinning my wheels. I started to run lines around the words with a soft pencil, and this gave way to wider, more sweeping strokes. I then moved on to use charcoal. And if you’ve ever worked with charcoal, you know what happened next; I had a big, fat mess of black dust all over the page, all over the table, and all over my hands. But it felt really good!
I was then moved to crumple up the whole mess! And really, that’s what I felt like; a black, messy, overwhelmed, unproductive, heavy, crumpled ball. I sat with these feelings for awhile. Just sat, sat until I was comfortable with them. It seemed to me I was then moved to open up the crumpled mess, and from some scraps of paper sitting near by, I wrote my feelings out and tossed them into the ‘bowl’ of crumpled, blackened paper.
And I realized the form of the bowl was strong enough to hold my strongest feelings. I sat awhile again, just sat. I had transferred my feelings from within me, to the safety of this vessel. And it struck me; my feelings didn’t seems so overwhelming sitting there in that paper bowl, sitting outside of myself. And I smiled.